Health & Fitness : Diets & Weight Loss
It started in high school...
In high school, other girls looked comfortable in their clothes. I did not. My pants were a particularly bad problem. My belt squished the fat on my hips. Sitting down was almost impossible because my thighs were too big for my pants. I'll never forget the day my English teacher came up to me in front of all of my friends in the lunchroom and told me I needed to pull my pants up - because my buttcrack was showing.
I decided that dieting was the answer.
My sweat, blood, and tears went into losing weight for the next 15 years.
Every day from freshman year of high school through my young adult life, I woke up when the sky was still dark to ride a stationary bike for an hour. I then came home after work and sweated through the same workout again. The only thing I ever ate for dinner was a salad -- ever. Every single morning I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stood awkward with my legs at funny angles, trying to make a gap between my thighs. About once a week I got on the scale, looked down over my jiggly tummy at the number, and cried.
I literally almost starved myself, and it still didn't work. Sometimes I ate less than 1000 calories a day, and it didn't make a difference. My weight never budged. I ate no fat at all. I ate no carbohydrates. I was a strict vegetarian. I ate the foods my dietician told me to - plenty of "heart healthy whole grains." I followed of all of the normal weight loss advice perfectly. You'd think that would be the answer....but it wasn't. None of it worked.
Do you ever feel like you do everything "right" but never lose weight?
Are you frustrated and confused because you seem to be the only one dieting doesn't work for? Do you hate when your friends are judgmental and just want to scream at the top of your lungs that you're doing your best? Trust me when I tell you that if you feel any of these things that you are not alone. This was my problem, too!
Of course, I often ate so restrictively that I ran out of willpower. Sometimes I over-ate. A lot. Sometimes I ate whole boxes of Lucky Charms, whole casserole dishes full of of nachos, whole deep-dish pizzas. When this happened, any progress I might have ever made before went right out the window! I always ended up heavier than I started.
But then I'd get "good" again! It was so hard to do it because I felt like such a failure - but I did it anyway. It still didn't help. My thighs continued to rub against each other when I walked. My stomach continued to jiggle. My neck continued to have little rolls of fat on it. I never got any thinner.
Worse was that I never got any healthier! Perhaps worst of all was that I never felt any sexier. I never got to strut around in my ballet tights and feel like I belonged with the other ballerinas. Instead, I hid my body in sweat pants and baggy T shirts. I dreaded looking in the mirror. Going shopping terrified me, because I'd have to go in dressing rooms. I was never confident. I never walked with my head held high. I never felt comfortable in my own skin. I never loved myself.
In fact, I hated myself. I was terrified of myself. I wasn't in control. I had "let myself go" too many times.
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